What Stage of Parenthood Are You In?

There are many stages of childhood and, for each child, they are further broken down and different.  I would argue that there are as many stages of parenthood to meet that individual and unique child’s needs of that season we well.  An immature season requires more responsibility, grace and structure while a season robust in self-accountability may need a hand of frivolity and seeking joy in the moment.

But, JUST looking at the parenting side of the equation, there are really 3 main phases we will all go through in this amazing, sometimes harrowing and all the time challenging job we signed up for.

Building

Transitioning

Consulting

I heard someone loosely refer to these as cop, coach, and counselor before as well.

No matter what you call it, the truth is that all three of these phases require you teaching and guiding in some way.  We are parents after all.

The building phase is going to be between birth and usually toward the end of middle school or beginning of high school.  This is when you are spoon feeding life to her and letting her know what she will eat, where she will go, what she will play for sport and maybe even who her friends will be and what to wear.  This is the for her phase.

The transitioning phase is typically during high school and many times, for those that choose to go, into college.  In this phase you are showing her how to effectively use all the things that have been built and different situations where it can all be applied.  She has more freedom here, but is still under the rules and regulations of home.  This can feel like a yo-yo phase of letting out for freedom and reeling in for accountability and course correcting, but the goal of both of these actions is to create success in their lives.  This is the with her phase.

The consulting phase rounds it out.  This phase will remain for the rest of your life because you are the older, hopefully wiser, life consultant.  “What do I do here?” and “How do I_____” are common inquiries in this phase along with you just observing and offering guidance when permission is granted.  Transition to this phase begins as they are taking more and more responsibility over their own lives.  The job, doctor check-ups, insurance, DMV lines, their own groceries etc.  You know… adulting! This is the her phase.

In each phase we are embracing what is while prepping for what is to come.  It is not easy and, unlike our child who only sees their childhood from their perspective, you see your parenthood from yours. 

I have 4 children, which means that, as parents, my husband and I spent 14 years in the building phase (this ended when my oldest went from homeschool to high school) and we are currently inside of 13 years of transitioning our kids (expecting this stage to “phase out” (pun intended) in 2032 when my youngest graduates college) before we can truly nestle into consulting mode.  That is our personal and unique parenthood journey.

Just like knowing where you are in a project at work or in serving, I believe it is helpful to know what phase you are in as a parent as well.  You need to know what is needed from you and what to expect of yourself.

What phase are you in?