Are You Playing an Offensive or Defensive Game in Parenting?

I don’t even pretend to understand American football (or European football, aka soccer, for that matter) at all.  I used to be a proud marching band geek (clarinet thank you very much) and went to every game for years, but never really paid attention.  I was too busy socializing. 

But there is one thing I know about the game for sure and that is that you need BOTH an offensive and a defensive strategy to be successful and this really does echo out in life, leading and parenting too… BUT most of the time parents and leaders are so busy juggling everything else that the defense game is played disproportionately more.

This week, our small coastal NC town was buried under inches of snow and ice.  We have lived here for almost ten years, and this is only the second snow we have gotten and it was/is by far the longest lasting.  I am from the north where this kind of event is an every Tuesday affair in the winter.  Everything can just goes about its business without disruption as crews busy themselves with the cleanup, but here we do not have the equipment or means and everything grinds to a chilly halt.  

We have snow and ice, but no plows, no scrapers, no shovels, and sometimes, no snow gear to wear either.  My own college aged daughter was using a friend’s thick socks as gloves to romp around in the white fluff.  I just pray they were cleaned first.

But, without an offensive strategy we were at a standstill.  School cancelled, events cancelled, my youth leadership retreat I was so excited for… cancelled.  The only solution was to wait it out and let the sunshine do its thing.  But, in youth leadership and parenting there is no other source that is going to come along and do it for you.  YOU are the architect and, to a great extent, you write the playbook of their childhood.   

Picture it…

A challenge arises at the front door of your child’s or family’s life, and you can have tools of communication, connection and clarity at the ready to mitigate and navigate through the obstacle OR you can scramble and try and come up with a solution on the spot hoping it will accomplish what you hope it will.  

Let’s not kid ourselves, raising up kids into healthy young adults will always require a sprinkle of defensive play through spontaneity, “street smarts” and “build the parachute on the way down” creativity, but if you don’t even know you need a parachute???? Well, you see how that ends.  Not well.

Check out a video this week I did on insta called Grown Up vs. Mature. 

 (forgive the look, I have been getting up at 5am every day for 3 weeks for 21 days of prayer at my church, which has been transformative and amazing, but one of the sacrifices is looking human.  Plus, because of the snowpocolypse, the kids have not had school all week, so structure has been, at best, absolutely non-existent.)

3 Things you can start doing today to work on your offensive game are:

1. Change the language you use in the house and toward your child to reflect the best version of who they are becoming! Remember that “You are…” statements are turned around into “I am…” statements in their head. Make sure you are building forward and not breaking down.
2. Set clear expectations in all situations and even have them repeat back to you what they heard so you can clear up any information that fell away between your words and their comprehension.
3. Seek third party support! You are here and that is a great start and if you ever want to dive deeper there are masterclasses , self guided courses, resources and one on one support, OH MY!  It is amazing what a third party perspective can bring and the offensive game you can build in order to move toward great success!

You’ve got this! Go Team!