Put a Stop Clock on the Drama-Meter!
Being in a dynamic, estrogen drenched, family comprised of four adolescent young women and myself being in my mid-forties and, let’s say “hormonally chaotic”, has taught me some things about limits and healthy boundaries.
One of my healthy boundaries is no drama after 6pm... when at all possible.
Some people have a glass of wine, some stay away from caffeine after six and others turn down the blue light. But, for me, the biggest trigger to nights of anxiety, being wide-awake while being exhausted and developing physical ailments, is no drama after 6pm. (I mean… I would love to avoid it all together, but let’s be real).
Why does drama create havoc in the body? One of the biggest reasons is because of cortisol spiking! There are physical, mental, emotional, skin, bone, muscle, immune, blood sugar and even reproductive symptoms that occur with this stress buddy. Like most hormones there is great and good purpose for cortisol, but too much can cause an issue. For me it causes heart racing, not sleeping, anxiety and my nerves being shot when I am trying to wind down at the end of the day. Plus, I have a condition with my nerves that directly ties my mental, spiritual and emotional pain to physical pain and illness real quick.
Even though this has been one of the harder guardrails to remind my people of and to nail down, it is one I go back to over and over. I will remove myself from situations, de-escalate situations when I can, bring solutions or, if it is something with no solution and just bickering, whining and a manic chaos cycle I will try and put a calm end to it.
This can be a challenge considering that my husband and one of my daughters are nighttime processors. Do you have one of those or are you one yourself?
Nighttime processors live on a forward conveyor belt that ceaselessly operates just a hair above the sticky mire of emotions all day long and at night they start looking more in depth at the day, what happened, what could have happened and what everything meant. This doesn’t jive well with someone that needs a clear 4-5 hour window of low drama before bed.
One of the tools used to build the foundation of worth, esteem and confidence for and with your daughter is vulnerability and tucked inside of vulnerability is the way to effectively deliver it, ie. communication.
If you find yourself in a house with this kind of divide, or any kind of divide really, communication is absolute key. I need to respectfully tell them that my drama-meter is kaput for the day and they can respectfully tell me what they need to get across without drama, or if what they need to get across IS the drama, we will hold off until the next day if possible.
Brene Brown always says that “clarity is kind” and that extends to what you communicate, how you communicate and how you connect within the family too.
Do you need to be intentional about putting a stop clock on the drama-meter too?
